From movie moron to savvy cinephile

Folks talk about movies. That’s just how it is these days. Back in the day, “How ‘bout that weather, huh?” stood proudly as the staple of casual conversation. In recent years, however, the phrase has been brutally dethroned by, “Have you seen [insert new popular – probably Marvel – movie here]?”

Given this societal development, it makes sense that plenty of folks try their best to pretend like they know what they’re talking about when it comes to film. It is a tad emblamtic of a misguided notion that social interaction is some sort of competition, which is a little weird. But I digress.

The problem is that many of these folks do not have any idea what they’re talking about, and that hurts my soul. So to help, I’ve made this brief set of guidelines of what not to say:

1. “American movies are so dumb and lacking in artistic value.”

I can’t fix your apparent pretentiousness, but I can at least inform you just how wong you are on this point. Action movies are big and dumb because that is easier to translate for overseas distribution. I guess that’s some sort of odd, world-uniting concept: no matter where they are, most people have a bad taste in movies.

2. “Michael Bay shouldn’t be allowed to make films.”

This may come as a shock to you, but some directors might knowingly make a movie intended for a different demographic than the one you belong to. I don’t like them either (except The Rock [1996]), but that doesn’t nullify their existence.

3. “I hate movies.”

Then don’t talk about them. Problem solved.