Untitled: April 18, 2017

After the ladybug chose not to cross the cracks on the wall,
the days came in brushes of daylight and mists of darkness
Crying would not untie the knot in my throat
The swelling void in my heart shifted,
minimized, quaked, crumbled, and suffocated
every foundation next to it
Big enough to weigh me down and sadden me whole
It was at night when I looked for a light-post
to see if it was the ground or my hands that shook,
to see past my veiled smile and into a troubled mind
I spoke with the tongue of emotions
and embraced my vulnerability,
while my wet, brown, naked self crawled home
as it dragged carcasses of memories
in need of a proper funeral
I laid still on solid ground
and yet my heart rocked on a boat
in a sea of strange loneliness
Before I dove back again,
I first sat by the river,
submerged and surrendered myself
to its flow and its quiet peace,
drifted down among the fishes,
felt the temperature of the water,
and observed the movement of sediment,
how my emotions ebbed,
how things remained in perpetual motion
after she had left