Heartbeat

Hey y’all! Woody from St. Olaf Flirts here. Spring has sprung, the birds and bees are bustling, and with so many submissions coming in every day, it’s clear that romance is in the air! You may not know this, but StoFlirts is actually an anonymous forum, meaning some of the nuances of courtship can get lost in translation from your brain to SurveyPlanet to anonymous post. Here are some tips and tricks for flirting on Facebook that’ll get your crush’s attention and seal the deal!

1. Most people don’t actually care who they’re going on a date with, so the anonymity of StoFlirts is foolproof. Why talk to people in person when you can ask them out over SurveyPlanet? Here’s a quick and easy template that’s guaranteed to get results: “Woody is soooo cute. Cage date sometime?” Flawless! Submit and watch the DM’s roll in.

2. Vagueposting about an ex-paramour on an anonymous forum is a great way to let them know you’re dissatisfied with the way things turned out. They’ll totally know you’re talking about them and feel really bad about what they did.

3. You don’t actually need to know a crush’s name if you know the color of their shirt and the approximate time they got dinner on Wednesday. If more than one person fits the bill, that just means more options  to choose from! Can’t remember details? No problem. A simple “Girl at Caf” should suffice.

4. If the object of your affection is in a relationship, submitting a flirt telling them to break up is super effective, and also really cool! All healthy relationships start with anonymous disses on ex-partners. They’ll thank you on your wedding day.

5. People love it when you write long paragraphs waxing poetic about someone you barely know or have only seen around a few times. That girl you saw in the bookstore really appreciates your attention to detail. Women love to be perceived, especially by you! Also, your prose is pure seduction, tiger, keep it up!

6. Your TAs and JCs secretly do want to date you, so anonymously hitting on them is a great plan. The countless times they tell you it’s “inappropriate and unprofessional” are actually just them playing hard to get.

7. If you feel like you’re not getting enough attention lately, or are just looking for some extra hype, try sending yourself a flirt! Why not send two? Or three, or ten, maybe?! Self flirting is a great way to create the impression that you are in demand! I promise, no one can tell they’re from you.

Using StoFlirts has a 100% success rate. That is a fact. With the anonymous format that protects your identity and your ego, Flirts is the perfect way to see if the person you like is just as desperate as you. Whether you’re looking for a Caf date, a COVID bubble buddy or a ring by spring, using Flirts is a foolproof way to shoot your shot and win them over. Go get ’em, Oles!

Love,

Woody (from Toy Story)