Aries: I know you’re tempted to text your ex late this Friday night. Don’t. Instead get your workout in for the week at the gym.
Taurus: I see you wearing shorts and no jacket outside in 20 degree weather. Remember that you can still get frostbite! Cool people still wear coats and pants.
Gemini: You are destined to drop every plate, cup, and utensil in Stav and have everyone stare at you. Given your luck this week, I would probably just stay inside if I were you.
Cancer: This is a reminder not to sleep in past your 8am this Tuesday. I know it sounds tempting, but your GPA will thank you for actually attending class.
Leo: This week you’re feeling a little emotional. The stars are telling me that you should stay away from STEM classes, listening to Drivers License by Olivia Rodrigo, or pretty much anything that is guaranteed to make you cry this week.
Virgo: Ya know that thing that you’ve been thinking about telling your roommate??? Yeah you should tell them.
Libra: On Thursday at 3:17p.m. you are going to get life changing news. Or maybe you won’t. Either way it will be one of the two.
Scorpio: Take bold risks this week – ask your crush out on a caf date or send a St. Olaf Flirt to that cutie in your class. Love is in the air and a lot of people are crushing on you!
Sagittarius: I know that you have 17 unanswered texts and that your mom has called you five times since you’ve been back on campus and that you’ve ignored each one. Don’t be rude, hit them back up.
Capricorn: DON’T EAT THE PUDDING THIS WEEK. Every other zodiac sign is safe, but Capricorn’s for the love of God don’t eat the pudding. I’m getting bad vibes.
Aquarius: I’m not saying that you might get pregnant this week, but I’m also not not saying that you might get pregnant this week. Stay safe.
Pisces: Wow. I mean seriously, WOW. Pisces, you look really beautiful today. Your fit, your hair, everything is just immaculate. Whatever it is that you’re doing, you’re absolutely killing it! Keep it up!