Horoscopes: The Signs as Phoebe Bridgers Songs



Phoebe said it best with the line, “For a chemical imbalance, you sure know how to ride a train.” Aries, you may be in the midst of a finals-induced breakdown, but you still look cool doing it.



“Graceland Too”

Taurus, you’re a good friend, and this song choice reflects it. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, and that you’re not just doing “whatever she wants.” 




You’re stuck at a crossroads this week, and it’s been wearing on you. Whatever you decide, just remember that “you can be anything.”



“Moon Song”

You have had a rough week, and that seems like a common theme with the other signs. Have a good cry to Moon Song and watch Twilight with your girlfriend, Jonathan.



“I Know The End”

Leo, you’re a star and performing is your strong suit. So what better song choice than the one where Phoebe runs around stage screaming, smashing things, and making out with members of her touring crew? Blow off some steam this week.



“Scott Street”

Don’t be a stranger this week, Virgo. Crack a shower beer and talk to some people you haven’t seen since middle school graduation! We will all die someday.



“Garden Song”

Your strong sense of justice is really pulling through this week. Looking for inspiration? Listen to 0:19-0:48 of Garden Song.



“Friday I’m In Love” 

Everyone else seems to be suffering this week, but not you Scorpio. Indulge yourself in feeling alive and feeling in love, despite the weird, melancholic tone of this cover.




Happy birthday Sagittarius! To honor your roots, take a risk this week. Go on an adventure (COVID-19 permitting). Call your dad. What’s the worst that could happen?



“Savior Complex”

You don’t need to be the “mom friend” this week. Take a break and treat yourself.



“I See You”

Aquarius I am literally begging you to be honest about your feelings this week. Have a difficult conversation, ask your professor for help, or get a Friday Flower for someone you like! It’s normal to feel, I promise.



“That Funny Feeling” 

(Bo Burnham cover)

Pisces, you are cringe and that is okay. This week, allow yourself to revel in your niche interests. Who knows? You might find a new friend or two.


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