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Ten overrated parts of Halloween

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“Hocus Pocus”: I know everyone loves it but I don’t understand the hype. Some witches fly around… so what?

 

Gourds: Why do we need these wrinkly penis pumpkins?

 

Halloween parties. When did getting shoved into a suffocating room with a herd of poorly-dressed, badly prepared people become fun?

 

King sized candy bars. I know I will get hate for this one but I much rather eat a few small candy bars instead of a king sized one. I’m a fan of variety and you don’t get that with king sized candy.

 

Pumpkin spice. It’s nasty. Why is this a thing? I’m honestly concerned for people that enjoy it!

 

Scantily-clad costumes: You’re cold. You’re uncomfortable. It’s impractical. I’m all for costumes that involve wearing sweatpants!

 

People handing out pop/chips instead of candy. I can get this at my house whenever I want. You’re just lazy. Get with the program and give me some candy (preferrably bite size).

 

Group costumes. Someone always ruins it. They have been done a million times. Please fill my instagram feed with something more interesting.

 

Snickers. Why is this a candy?

 

Carving pumpkins. Maybe it’s just me but my pumpkins always got smashed and this crushed my little ten-year-old heart. Too much trauma from coming home to smooshed pumpkins.

 

kulus1@stolaf.edu

Sophia Kulus is from Lakeville, Minn.

Her major is undeclared.