Hello my lovelies! I’m back from my sabbatical where I studied campus squirrel mating trends, and I’m elated to share dating advice in a “post-pandemic” world. We are a couple weeks into the spring semester which means you’ve probably scouted out potential matches in your classes. Here are some tips for the next steps in pursuing your latest relationship.
First date decisions
Once you have found a person you are interested in getting to know more about (and they don’t think you’re a weirdo) you face the age old question: do you have your first date in public or in private? Well, to be quite honest, there are disadvantages of both. In theory, dates in public can be more comfortable, but if you go on a classic Stav date or Cage date, there’s a good chance your friends are all going to see you. There’s a chance they might mess with you or ask you a billion questions later. Dorm room dates often have the connotation that something a little bit more might happen, wink wink. If you are down for that, great. Just remember to lock your door. You don’t want your roommate to walk in on that. I know that not everyone is into that on the first date. Maybe play it safe and go on a walk in the natural lands, that way you can run away if it turns out that your date is the weirdo.
Hooking up on a small campus is awkward
Lovelies, St. Olaf does not have that many students. If you are thinking about participating in the hookup scene, know that there is a high probability that you will have to avoid them in Stav while waiting in the orange chicken line. That line is long. You probably don’t want to be standing next to them for at least five minutes which means you won’t get orange chicken on the holy orange chicken day. Remember that your friends also probably know them. In fact, they might be their classmate. Or co-worker. Or friend. That can be a little awkward for everyone.
It’s okay to be single
Your best friend just announced they’ve decided to officially put a label on their situationship. Your roommate has been dating someone for what seems to be years. Even Ole the Lion was spotted on a date in chapel last Tuesday. All of your friends are in relationships! You’re happy for them, but you can’t help to feel like you’re the only person who isn’t getting weekly Friday Flowers. Don’t fret! You are a fresh young sprout, not a wilting ancient weed like me. I’m handing out cliché advice here, but it is true: learn to love yourself and your life. Sure, having a partner is great, but they won’t solve your crippling depression. And if you absolutely need something NOW, maybe ask your favorite duo if they want a third?
That’s all for today. See you in office hours or email me if you have any other questions you have to receive the most qualified free love advice. I promise I won’t randomly go on another sabbatical to study the new waffle machine’s significance in wooing a romantic interest. Wait. Maybe I can’t promise that.
Dr. Lovegood ’69, Specialist in All Things Amorous