Horoscopes

 

 

Aries: You know the tattoo you’ve been thinking about getting? Do it. Life is short.

 

Taurus: We all know you love routine. Change up your Cage drink this week and see what happens!

Gemini: There’s only so much time for naps in a day. Try to expand your horizons this week and do something you’ve never done before!

Cancer: Break up with them. Trust me.

Leo: Leo, your desperate grabs for attention have not gone unnoticed. But seriously, we get it. You can tone it down.

Virgo: The stars have aligned to tell me to tell you to let go of those inhibitions and confront that cutie in your 2 p.m. MWF class. The worst they can say is no!

Libra: Your favorite dessert will be in Stav this week, but only if you actually start responding to your texts. Your mother is worried sick!

Scorpio: Create your own destiny this week. You’ve been in a rut creatively and emotionally. A walk in the Natural Lands will help clear your head and bring new ideas to the frontier.

Sagittarius: Don’t be afraid to interrupt that mansplainer in your class this week. Your intelligence will shine when you stop holding yourself back!

Capricorn: The planets have shifted once more. This means that you need to drink some gosh darn water. What is wrong with you? There’s only so much coffee you can have before you pass out.

Aquarius: Listen to your body and allow yourself to rest. Stop overbooking yourself, take a step back, and get as much vitamin D as you can. Just because Oles CAN doesn’t mean Oles SHOULD.

Pisces: You will have a paranormal experience very soon. Whether you believe or not, this experience will completely change your worldview. Your attitude will determine the outcome.