Aries: You’re type A and you’re proud of it. Maybe live outside the A/B binary every once in a while, though.
Taurus: It’s your season. Happy birthday. I can’t wait for your birthday party.
Gemini: Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re two faced. Don’t listen to what your terrible friends tell you.
Cancer: Your angst is showing, take a deep breath and maybe spend some time outside this week. Call your mom.
Leo: I told you to go to therapy a few weeks ago. I hope you did that; hang in there friend.
Libra: It doesn’t matter which shirt or pants or earrings you choose to wear this morning. You’re going to look good no matter what. Make a damn decision.
Scorpio: Not to reinforce capitalism and money as valid and legitimate, but I have a feeling you’re going to find a $20 bill on the ground this week. Good for you.
Sagittarius: The internet says you’re adventurous, but I say you’re impulsive. Get a grip.
Virgo: Stop working on the paper that’s due two weeks from now, you aren’t behind.
Capricorn: You’re so hardworking, but it’s okay to take a break. You know, school is only so important.
Aquarius: You’re directionally challenged, but the people you know are glad to have you, so it’s okay.
Pisces: Your unrequited love will remain unrequited. Move on, take some time with yourself. Draw or something, I don’t know. Just get over them.
Graphics by Sadie Favour ’23