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Sneaky Horoscopes

Aries: It’s Aries season. Watch your back! A why-I-oughta is in your future. Might be a good week tho…if you dance every morning 🙂


Taurus: Cheat on your partner! Break things! Don’t go to Subway. 

Gemini:  Play with the cat…who knows how long you’ll be able to…


Cancer: You definitely need to go on more walks. Air is good, nature is good, put your toes in the concrete. 


Leo: Your head is too big, no one cares that you’re a Leo this week. Stow ur beef, bud. 


Virgo: This week is all about giving. Especially massages. Specifically back massages…


Libra: You are so perfect! This is ur week <3 Get ready for good surprises and for all your profs to compliment you. 


Scorpio: Ur having a squad moment this week, hang out with everyone, say yes to everything…or else.


Sagittarius: Rest your hands. The yarn will be there tomorrow, get yourself a little gluten-free treat babes, we’re so close to the end….


Capricorn:  Minnesota nice doesn’t cover up ur poopy-talk. 


Aquarius: It’s gonna be a hectic moment, bundle up in at least four layers before leaving ur dorm. Energies are going to be dragging at you so these layers must also be pattern and color-coordinated to the exact vibe you want to foster.  


Pisces: Very silly. Almost too silly…time to get to work and start wearing coveralls. Also glitter.